apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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