i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize