its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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