she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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