Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
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I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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