Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
