i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
