So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
