the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
