Duck Duck Cougar?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
