The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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