does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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