Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
not ubering you a puppy
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
