I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
