she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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