I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
