hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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