Having a random hookup so left but love u
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
and she was petting her beer can
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
