Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
