My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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