There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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