You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
