i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
