Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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