I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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