...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
