she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
