Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize