I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
