first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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