Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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