Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
