New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
