Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
