are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
