just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
