I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
