Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
