just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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