i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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