She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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