i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
50% drunk capacity currently
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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