Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize