Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
