I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
