He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
