We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize
