watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
