my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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