Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
