if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
