Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
