pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
