found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
