remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
