Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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