Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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