is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
