i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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