We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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