I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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