Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
