remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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