Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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